His Best Memory
by Kailey Hamilton
Summary: Severus never knew that Lily was irremediably in love with him, if only for one night. He surely sees enough to summon a Patronus, but what does she see? What was Lily thinking and feeling through Snape's very best memory? One-shot. Lily/Severus - tiny bits of romance, but mostly reflects on their friendship.


_Disclaimer:__ Recognize it? Not mine._

* * *

**His Best Memory**

She was walking down the road that lead away from her rundown town and into the valley. Even her family, which was of the town's upper class, had gotten rid of luxuries in the last few years. Streets were dangerous and she was no longer allowed to vent into Spinner's End to go looking for her friend, so she had to meet with him at the town's central plaza.

She had been one week home from school, and she was already dying to get out of there.

For that reason, she loved to spend as much of her time in the outskirts - the green hills, the yellow flowers, the creeks and formidable willows. It all made Lily reminisce of less troubled times. It's not that she did not love Hogwarts. Quite the opposite, actually - she felt like she belonged there. She was popular and intelligent, so her struggles at school were relatively non-existent.

She looked to her right, at her current companion, and she remembered why things seemed so complicated. Severus Snape had been a great friend since they were nine. When they were eleven and sorted into different Hogwarts Houses, they continued being close. It seemed like nothing could get in between their fantastic friendship, not even the rumors, whispers and differences...

They were both fifteen now, and now she knew she'd been naive, even though she always knew his personality had a darker side. He was friends with cruel people, and talked about darker sort of magic with a sadistic passion. The way he seemed so drawn to darkness was breaking them apart. He didn't seem to understand just how much it troubled her that he was choosing such a path.

Still, she remained by his side, though no one else understood exactly why. Truth is, he was her best friend, and she was loyal to those she loved.

Severus looked back at her. Feeling the weight of her probing gaze, he lowered his head. Lily felt she had to say something to break the heavy atmosphere.

"It's so dumb we have a summer assignment on Astronomy," was all she could think of. "You were so nice for offering to help, and I'm so glad we planned this whole day together!"

Other than a backpack with food and water for a whole day, they were carrying with themselves telescopes, charts, ink, quill and parchment. Lily had told her family she'd spend the night with her friend Mary McDonald so they wouldn't worry. She had the nagging feeling that Petunia suspected the truth. The stone-cold stare she'd given her was proof.

Well, every single stare Petunia gave was stone-cold. So maybe not.

"It is dumb," he agreed after a while, distracting Lily from her thoughts. "I just don't get it."

"No_. I_ don't get it. You're quite good at it, actually."

"I guess. I mean, I don't get how Astronomy is related to anything magical. It's dumb. As far as I'm concerned it's a waste of time."

Lily looked into the horizon, thinking his words over. The last house of town was visible, and the greenness behind it was promising.

"I think it's interesting, but I agree" she concluded. "It's a big, fat waste of time."

He didn't say anything after that, and Lily was glad he didn't mention that they could be learning the Dark Arts instead.

They were now out of town. Out of town, they could be themselves. It was always a feeling that was present when it was just the two of them - it was a sincere complicity that no one else could join in. She'd missed this so badly. Just her and Severus, doing what they loved best.

With a smile, Lily kicked a small stone on the road, intending to pass it to him. It went too fast for him to get it and got lost in the grass. He laughed quietly, and it made her smile. She was, for once, forgetting how strained their friendship had become.

"Good thing we don't do physical education at school - I'm so clumsy!"

"You're not!" He went on her defence. Lily's grin grew even wider. She knew him to be blindly saying things to make her feel better and she appreciated it. She knew she was a bit of a klutz and had learned to not let that fact bother her.

"You do not remember how my first attempt at flying went, do you?" she offered as proof.

To her surprise, Severus now openly laughed. It was a sound she didn't hear that often anymore. Her fears gone, she now felt privileged for owning such a tender spot in his heart. She was the only one allowed to see.

"I'm sorry," he said, but a smile was still present on his face. " I shouldn't have laughed."

"No, it's alright. I know it was hilarious. I dreaded those lessons so much! I'm used to being... to being good at things, you know? I know it sounds awful, but I'm good at pretty much every school subject and I know it. Yet, I never got the hang of flying."

"And Astronomy," he added.

"Yes, thanks for the reminder!"

He smiled slyly.

They'd reached their destination - a forest of willows that bordered a small brook. It was the same that ran in town. It snaked its way downhill, into a valley, into the same group of trees Lily and Severus called theirs. The sound of a waterfall was faint, but audible. It had always soothed Lily. Away were the abandoned houses, the smoke, all the mice and garbage... she knew that in a few years, even her own special place would be ruined by the town's destructive force.

In the meantime, she was resolved to enjoy it.

Severus had closed his eyes, expressionless. She freely looked at him, conscious that he enjoyed the privileges of this place as much as she did. Examining his figure, her heart churned. Even with those torn jeans and ill-fitting shirt, he looked better groomed that on most days. She'd never cared about how he looked, but it hurt her to know that it was partly product of neglect and abuse.

Yet, there was now something serene and peaceful about him that she wasn't used to seeing.

_Deep down, he has the most tender heart_, she thought. _I wish people understood ..._

She felt his pain. She knew Severus thought that going to Hogwarts would solve his problems, and it had only made him more unhappy. He had led a difficult life, and thinking things through, it wasn't hard for her to understand why he had such a marked malicious streak.

Lily thought that's what drew her to him. There he was, a person that once bared his soul to her -his fears, likes, dislikes and hopes- going through a hard life. What a unique soul it was! So pure, yet so tainted...

No matter what, he was still her very best friend. She believed in him - she believed he would do what was right.

* * *

"Lily, wake up."

His soft voice whispered those words in her ear. The afternoon sun was filtered by the branches and it made her feel lazy. Lily turned her head around and found herself face to face with her best friend.

"Did I actually fall asleep?"

"For an hour or two."

"Didn't you sleep? What were you doing?"

He didn't answer, and Lily let it go. She was too sleepy to think properly, and just too happy to wake beside the person she cared about the most .

"Didn't you want to see the sunset from the hills?" He asked. "We should get going."

But it was so comfortable, so _good_ to be around him! They didn't do this anymore. They used to come to that place all the time. One or the other always ended up falling asleep, and they would always have to be awake before nightfall...

Severus tried to get up, and in her haste to stop him, she searched for his hand and squeezed it. He froze in the spot.

"Sev, let's stay for a while."

"You don't want to go?" his voice sounded choked. Lily looked at him with questions in her eyes.

"This is nice, isn't it?" she inquired as he gave up and laid back down, still holding hands. "Let's not end it too soon."

* * *

In all her years of life, Lily hadn't been witness of such beauty.

The willows and the creek were a too-familiar sight. The sunset over the hills something she'd seen a few times. The shining stars over the black horizon? That was new. Cokeworth was infested with smoke, and she'd never been out of town at night. Not even in Hogwarts she'd been witness to such skies. Even when some clouds covered them, the stars still made her hold her breath.

Severus worked the telescope, trying to find one among the millions. Lily had given up for the time being, and was simply sitting against the tree oak tree's trunk, checking her notes. Her wand was tucked behind her ear, its tip illuminating her parchment. She wondered if she'd get a warning from the Ministry for that little bit of magic.

Severus was now looking at the sky without the telescope in front of his eye. Lily could tell he was growing frustrated.

"Sev, take a break!" she told him. "We have the whole night to finish our homework. Let's enjoy this all for a while."

"We only have one constellation left."

"Need some help?"

He lowered his eyes from the sky and onto her. For some unexplainable reason, her heartbeat quickened.

"No, Lily. It's alright."

But realizing that he wouldn't give up, she figured that she should try searching for that constellation again so they could be done sooner.

"Come on," she said while getting up. "Let's finish this together."

She put her eye to the lens and examined the skies up close once again. For some reason, she couldn't concentrate. She thought it was the bliss, the splendor, everything that had happened to her in the last few hours. She'd never been in such a mood - it was like everything around her was somehow elevated to a higher level and she was aware of every single detail.

She heard Severus mumble to himself. Severus... she smiled. Being around him just felt natural and _right_at that moment. It was easy to forget everything that puzzled her about him when he was being so pleasant. She wished he was always like this, instead of displaying callousness and prejudices...

But why was she thinking about that now? Here he was, _not_ doing things that bothered her. Lily had faith he could be like this indefinitely - she believed he would grow out of his baseless hatred. He was a smart guy. He surely would.

"I think it's behind those clouds..." he said.

Lily, whose telescope was of a better quality than his secondhand one, aimed it to the cluster he pointed. The magic in her instrument made the clouds invisible, and she could look straight into deep space.

"I wish they had name tags or something. All the stars look the same to me!" she said in frustration. They were supposed to be looking for Aquila, a constellation they hadn't learned about and was supposed to appear clearer in summer skies. The chart their Professor had given them as reference purposefully omitted coordinates.

"Look for a very bright star..." he started guiding her through the process, forgetting his telescope and walking to where she stood. "Found it yet?"

"I think..." she had found a big star. But with that telescope, all stars looked big and bright.

"Alright," his hand was on her shoulder and she tensed, startled by the contact. He didn't seem to notice. "Then that's probably it."

"Are you sure? Don't you want to look for yourself?" She wanted to get away from her telescope, but she chose against it in her need to disguise her lack of control over her reactions.

_He's your friend. Your very best friend. Stop being silly._

"It's alright, Lily. I trust you."

* * *

The skies were so illuminated, that they could walk around at nighttime and not fear that they didn't have enough light. So they did. They went downhill and along the riverbank. They didn't talk much, and to get a sense of closeness, she'd clutched onto his hand again. He'd accepted the contact without a complaint.

"Lily, what are you doing after Hogwarts?"

The question took her by surprise. It's not that she hadn't asked it to herself, but she didn't understand the thought process that led him to ask.

"I don't know," she said. She tried giving it a thought, but the mere idea of leaving Hogwarts felt like a knife right to her chest. On the other hand, her thoughts of the present made her more hopeful about the future."I guess...I guess I'd like to just keep doing magic, you know?"

"I understand you. I do, too."

They meant very different kinds of magic, but she pushed that bothersome thought out of her head. She wasn't of an excitable nature, but the here and now was so idyllic!

"I couldn't get an office job or something like that," she kept talking. "I could be..."

"Anything, but you'd do a fantastic Potioneer!" Severus exclaimed in what was meant to be an imitation of Professor Slughorn. At least, she took it at such and it made her chuckle.

"Oh, shut up! I have enough of that at Hogwarts."

"There's no such thing as enough praise."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But that's Hogwarts and I'm on vacation and right now, all that matters is you."

She said that, but she couldn't bring herself to ask what he'd asked - what did Severus want to do, besides becoming a Death Eater?

She shuddered at the thought. _Not now, Lily. He hasn't said anything. Don't ruin this evening._

His hand squeezed hers lightly. She returned the squeeze with delight.

"We should head back to the oak tree and try to sleep," he said. "I'm tired and it looks like it will rain tonight." He looked at her intently, and she felt the disapproval his gaze carried. "You should've brought something warm."

"You're right, but I didn't so never mind that," she retorted. "Come on, Sev! I'll race you to the tree!"

She would have, but they didn't stop holding hands so they ran together, giggling like they used to when they were kids.

So many memories!

The first time he told her about magic they'd been among the willows, but they'd climbed up to that hill where the oak stood to see the sunset. Lily had never felt more special.

A warm morning before her Hogwarts days, she had ran away alone to that very same spot. She'd fought with Petunia... she didn't even remember why, but it probably involved her magical traits. He had found her after searching for her everywhere -or so he'd claimed- and had comforted her by picking up flowers in the surroundings and handing them to her.

Two summers ago, Lily suffered from a nasty fall while climbing up the oak tree. He'd attempted to heal her broken leg with magic. He was no Healer, but he did well enough so she could walk home. Her parents took her to the hospital and when she was discharged, she found that he'd gotten her some healing potion that would make her cast useless...

"Sev, why do you care so much about me?"

The question came out of her lips before she could give it any thought. He seemed surprised, but his face returned its usual expression so quickly that she thought she imagined it.

"How could I not care about you, Lily?"

Her cheeks flushed and her heart raced, and she knew that at that moment, she was absolutely in love with him. She didn't know if it would last - all she knew is that it was true at that very moment. And if he corresponded her, she could, would...

But how could he? He hated muggles and muggle-borns. While he liked her, he hated everything she represented.

His eyes were fixed on her, as intensely as hers were fixed on him.

Until the end of her days, Lily would feel there were no words to describe that moment.

* * *

"Lily, it's raining."

"Let me sleep, Sev."

She felt something cover her - probably his jacket.

"You'll be cold" she mumbled.

"I'll be fine."

"Don't be silly and get closer."

But he didn't, so it was her who rolled around and searched for his embrace. It felt just right. She searched for his gaze, and found it before dozing off...

She could've sworn that, at some point between reality and dreams, she'd experienced the exhilarant, blissful feeling of a pair of lips meeting hers.

* * *

The walk back was spent in complete silence.

The gray morning felt dull and her whole body ached. Going uphill and back to town was as symbolic as it got. It was just so difficult to abandon the peace, to end the moments they had created... and as they did so, Lily felt the doubts and fears settle in her mind again. What would Mary say when she told him what had happened? No. She couldn't tell her. She couldn't tell anyone.

One special day didn't mean that he had changed his ways, but how much she wanted to believe it! She refused to think this was a one-time occasion, that he was actually done thinking and talking nonsense. She would tell everyone they had been wrong about Severus, and she had been right.

Skies were dark and despite the blazing heat, she was cold. Looking at the endless lines of brick houses, her mood was worsening and worsening. Her heart was about to burst with questions. Why was he not saying anything? Had they kissed, or it had been a dream? The image was hazy in her mind, and she searched for a clue.

Severus had been awfully quiet all day. He was never noisy, but he'd barely said a word. She wished he'd say something. Anything. Maybe that he could forget that he ever cared for the Dark Arts. Maybe that this very same night had meant the world to him, and that he was willing to change his ways. Maybe that they had really kissed...

Maybe that the glow in his eyes was love, and nothing else.

They were at her front door (did he actually walk her home?) the time for a goodbye came. Instead of speaking the words, she hugged him.

_Say something. Anything._

She held her breath, but words never came. Lily smiled sadly before breaking their embrace. Surely if he wanted her, he would've said something already. She'd showed him enough.

"You're a great friend, Severus" she said, looking him in the eye with pain. His expression didn't change. "The very best."

Before he could answer, she turned her back on him and opened the door to her house. Unexplainably, as Lily closed the door behind her, she had the unsettling feeling that a barrier had been raised between them forever and that Severus had completely slipped away.

* * *

_Notes:__ I've been dying to write a Lily/Severus for a long time. While I'm reasonably content with the result, Snape's story saddens me to such a degree that I had to take crying breaks sometimes. So yes, this story was difficult to write. It was written for annaisadinosaur, who didn't get a fanfic on the Guilty Pleasure Fic Exchange in the HPFC forums._

_**annaisadinosaur**__ - I'm too much of a canonhead to do full-on Lily/Snape. This is the best I could manage. I hope you find this story enjoyable anyway. I don't think any of the prompts you gave are specifically mentioned, but I hope you can tell they heavily inspired the whole setting._

_A million thanks to** ladyoftheknightley** for beta-reading this piece!_

_**Everyone else**__ - I'd be glad to receive your support and your feedback. Thanks for reading!_

_-Karyn._


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